Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
