Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
