I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
