I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm both gender and math confused
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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