I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
