Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
