Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize