We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
