If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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