we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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