he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
