I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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