my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
