I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
