i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
