Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
