so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
