You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
