I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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