her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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