i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize