The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
