haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
