I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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