How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
