I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
