I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
