What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
