I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
