I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
