whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
