Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
