you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
