I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
