i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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