i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
