Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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