After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
