Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
