The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
did i walk over a car last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
