Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize