So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
