i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
