these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
