Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
