evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Be still, my beating vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
