I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
