nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize