You work out of a Hotel?
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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