She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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