o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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