Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize