The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i will never coherently bang her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
