when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
