So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
