I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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