I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
