That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
