in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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