Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
