I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
