when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
