At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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