You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
