I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
