actually, I'm a sock model
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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