DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
