You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
