1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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