I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
