WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
