i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
