My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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