you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
