This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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